Get Ready to Be "A-MOOOO-sed!"
These Cow Jokes Are "Udderly Hilarious !"
Cow Jokes
Why are Cows such great dancers? They have all the best Moooves!
What is a Cow's favorite newspaper? The "Daily Moos."
What did the mommy Cow say to the baby cow? It’s pasture bedtime!
What's an unusual way to make a milkshake? Give a Cold Cow a Pogo stick. (Boing Boing)
Why do Cows wear bells around their necks? Their horns don't work. LMBO!
What do you call a momma Cow who's just given birth? De-calf-inated. (I guess so!)
What do you call a group of Cows with a sense of humor? A Laughing Stock.
What would you get if you milked a really Forgetful Cow? Milk of Amnesia.
What do you call a rude Cow? Beef Jerky!
Why couldn't the two Cows get along? Because they had "beef" with one another.
What would you call a Cow wearing armor? "Sir Loin." ha ha ha!
Why did the Cow cross the road? To get to the "udder" side.
What do you call a scared Cow? A Cow-ard.
Where would you find a Cow with no legs? Right where you left it ! ha ha ha !
What do you call a Cow after an earthquake? A milkshake.
What do you use to count Cows? A cow-culator.
What do you call a sleeping Daddy Cow? A bull-dozer.
What do you call a Cow that can't produce milk? An udder failure.
What did the Cow say when the farmer pulled its tail? How diary!
Why did the farmer buy a brown Cow? He wanted chocolate milk!
What would happen if you tried talking to a Cow? Everything would just go in one ear and out the udder. Where do Cow farts come from? Their dairy-ère.
What did the Cow say when the bull broke up with her? Without you, I'll never be whole milk again!
What song do Cows love to sing? I've got the mooooves like Jagger.
Why do Cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
Where do Cows get their medicine? At the farm-acy.
What do you call a Cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a Cow that eats grass? A lawn-mooer.
How do you make Swiss Cheese? Using milk from a holy cow.
What did the Cow shout when it did a cannonball into the swimming pool? "Cow-abunga!"
When you cross a smurf with a Cow, what do you get? Blue cheese.
When you cross two Ducks and a Cow, what do you get? Quackers and milk.
What do you get when a Cow jumps on a trampoline? Milkshake.
Why don’t most Cows lie? They can smell bull.
What did the Bull say to his son when he was going off to school? BISON!!!
Why did the chicken walk under the Cow? To get to the udder side.
Did you hear about the Cow who tried to jump over a barbed wire fence? It was an udder disaster.
Why did the farmer always show up on time for dinner? If he didn’t, his wife would have a Cow.
Why couldn’t the Cow gain weight? She was more of a grazer
How can you tell if a Cow is exceptional? It’s outstanding in its field.
It is now legal to park bovines with foot coverings in motorcycle parking spaces. They’re officially labeled as Cowasockies.
It's so hot outside that my Cow started giving powdered milk!
What you do get from a dwarf Cow? … condensed milk.
What happens when a Cow laughs? Milk comes out of its nose.
What do you call a feminine Bull? A dairy queen.
Cow farmers say their job is hard, but… …I think they're just milking it.
What did the Bull say to the cheese? I am your father.
Cow Idioms
An Idiom is a saying that has become popular not by logic but through years of cultural usage. There are many idioms about cattle; below are some of the most popular ones.
“Don’t have a Cow” – used to tell someone to calm down or chill out – most often toward someone who overreacts to a situation. The origins of the saying are unclear, but there is said to be an old British saying along the same lines, but using “kittens” instead of “cows.”
“Till the Cows come home” – is used to describe an indefinite time frame or a long wait. It is thought to have originated in the Scottish Highlands when cattle would graze for months during the Summer before they would slowly make their way home come Fall.
“Don’t cry over spilled milk” – while the origins are up for debate, this idiom has been used for centuries. It means there is no use worrying over something that has already occurred because the past cannot be changed.
“Holy Cow!” – is an expression of surprise or excitement, meaning “wow!”. The idiom seems to have picked up steam among major league baseball announcers in the early 1900s.
“Take the Bull by the horns” – this idiom means to tackle an unpleasant or challenging task head-on. It likely originated from the early American West.
“Like a Bull in a china shop” – is a quote from an 1834 novel by Frederick Marryat and has since come to describe a clumsy person or someone who breaks things or otherwise causes chaos.
“As awkward as a Cow on a crutch” – though the origins are unclear, this idiom is used to describe someone clumsy, uncoordinated, or off-balance. “Strong as a Bull” – was used in a 1950’s sitcom and has become a popular way of describing someone of great physical strength.
“If you mess with the Bull, you get the horns” – the origins are unclear, but this idiom may have been born when the actor Paul Gleason spoke the words in the movie, The Breakfast Club. The saying explains that if you provoke someone to anger, you should not be surprised by an aggressive reaction.
Cow Wisdom and Philosophy - Quotes or Famous Sayings
“Never kick a Cow chip on a hot day.” – Will Rogers “I don’t want any vegetables…. I paid for the Cow to eat them for me.” – Douglas Coupland
“It’s a moo point. It’s like a Cow’s opinion; it doesn’t matter. It’s moo.” – Joey, from the TV sitcom Friends
“You is what you am, a Cow don’t make ham.” – Frank Zappa “I never saw a purple Cow; I never hope to see one; But I can tell you, anyhow, I’d rather see than be one.” – Gelett Burgess
“The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the devil’s own satanic herd.” – Rowan Atkinson
“Who discovered we could get milk from Cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?” – Billy Connolly
“Moo may represent an idea, but only the Cow knows.” – Mason Cooley
“You should never hesitate to trade your Cow for a handful of magic beans” – Tom Robbins
“The facts are like Cows. If you look them in the face hard enough they generally run away.” – Dorothy L. Sayers
“The Cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us people to eat.” – John McNulty
“I can tell a good Cowboy by the way he approaches a Cow.” – Henry Green
“Mother Cow is as useful dead as she is alive.” – Mahatma Gandhi
“As for butter versus margarine, I trust Cows more than chemists.” – Joan Dye Gussow
“It doesn’t matter how much milk you spill as long as you don’t lose the Cow.” – Harvey Mackay
“You can only milk a Cow so long, then you’re left holding the pail.” – Hank Aaron
“Just because a Cow stands in a field all day doesn’t make it a philosopher.” – Vaseem Khan
“Not every man remembers the name of the Cow which supplied him with each drop of milk he has drunk.” – Shmuel Yosef Agnon
“The Cow knows not what her tail is worth till she has lost it.” – George Herbert
“As a Calf follows its mother among a thousand Cows, so the (good or bad) deeds of a man follow him.” – Chanakya
“If you want milk, don’t sit on a stool in the middle of a field in the hope that a Cow will back up to you.” – Richard Branson
“Men are not so much the keepers of herds as herds are the keepers of men.” – Henry David Thoreau
“I don’t believe that you have to be a Cow to know what milk is.” – Ann Landers
“Don’t milk the Cow too hard. She will kick you.” – Mason Cooley
“No longer diverted by other emotions, I work the way a Cow grazes.” – Kathe Kollwitz
“All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a Cow.” – Grant Wood
“If you are not interested in your own country’s problems, then what difference remains between you and a Cow eating grass in a quiet corner unaware of anything around itself.” – Mehmet Murat Ildan
“We are like a Cow and a Goat, wanting to be friends but wondering if it can ever be.” – Katherine Applegate
Cow Proverbs “A fool looks for dung where the Cow never grazed.” – Ethiopian proverb
“A Cow that has no tail should not try to chase away flies.” – Guinean proverb
“The Cow drinks Water, and it turns to Milk; the Snake drinks Water, and it turns to Poison.” – Japanese proverb
“You don’t miss the C ow until the stall is empty.” – Swedish proverb
Biblical Cow Verses There is no wisdom like that found in the Bible, and several passages about cattle and other livestock are located within the Good Book. Below are a few cattle-specific or milk-specific verses.
“He causes the grass to grow for the cattle, and vegetation for the labor of man, so that He may bring forth food from the earth.” Psalm 104:14
“Better is a dish of vegetables where love is than a fattened ox served with hatred.” Proverbs 15:17
“For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is an infant.” Hebrews 5:13
“Like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation.” 1 Peter 2:2